May 22nd

Shilpa comes home and points out things on the counter top. I say do not fixate on it.  She gets furious and in the usual tit-for-tat fashion tells me not to fixate on it either.

Later that evening, I go to shower in her bathroom and the tub water that reaches above my ankles because the haircatcher is clogged with hair. I step in and step out. I tell her it is full of water and she says “you can clean it as well”. I do not talk about it and go to my bathroom to shower. When I come out she says “you would rather mess with the bathroom than clean the bathroom”. (referring to the caulking work that is to be started in that bathroom) I tell her she is asking for a fight. By this time she is doing her dance-exercise. I tell her cleaning the haircatcher could as well be exercise. She says it could be an exercise for me as well, in the usual tit-for-tat fashion and point out the Yoga I did, walk I went on, etc.

Earlier that morning she had gone for a walk. She comes back home and asks Aditi to get laptop from upstairs. She does not want to go upstairs to get her laptop when the idea was to exercise when we went for the walk just before that. As part of this argument, I mention about it and she calls it the “usual high anxiety” I have.

She says she had a great day at work and the moment she comes home, it is bad. I ask her what started it and she says it was me by pointing out the tub was full of water. That she would have cleaned it up the next day and that I should have just not talked about it.  Mind you, this is coming from her when she has enough energy to do dance exercise, and not when is super tired.

S: “Do you see how dirty your bathtub is”

me: “Yes, I know That is something you pointed out last week. You should know by now I am dirty. By the way, your tub probably was already clogging with hair by then. I guess we have the same level of cleaniness unlike what I thought when you pointed out my bathtub last week”

S: You have low level of everything including interpersonal relationship

me: So why did not ask to why I showered in that bathroom. Was it obvious I did not want to clean?

S: That’s because I am dumb

me: No, I think you have the same low level of interpersonal relationship

Analysis: Shilpa was irritated by the vessels kept on the counter to dry. She could not handle my comment about getting fixated by it. When this bathtub subject came up, it make that irritation bubble up.

Wonder: As I write there is a file lying outside that she got from doctor yesterday. I had told her to put it back in place when she is back. She has chosen to leave it there. I am sure letting that lie should be taken in stride because she is responsible. But something my mother has left on counter is irritating because SOMEONE ELSE has to take action on this.

 

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Aditi is still watching some programme when I go to find out if she has had milk. I had reminded Shilpa earlier about milk but she had forgotten.

It also turns out she has not applied oil on Tuesday or Wednesday (today). So much for getting upset on Monday night for me not applying oil and claiming she always does.

 

May 20th

I made it a point to eat dinner.

I was also hoping we could end the day without a fight.

This morning I had helped Amma do the cooking.  Since she had soaked some moong, I had her cook some methi in addition.

In the evening, Shilpa comes downstairs with Aditi and throws a fit about not having any kayli to use.  I show her  it in the dishwasher. How come there is so much cooking that happened? is repeated a few times.  She is willing to fight about not having a kayli but unwilling to pull one out of the dishwasher and clean it. Why should I clean it?  she says.  She is aggravated about not having a kayli and after a lot of fuss pulls out two little kayli to cook in instead.

Then throws another fit how the cooker is on the counter and other vessels left of drying.  When she finds something irritating, it is okay to express it. But reverse the situation and expressing something like that would amount to picking a fight. We have talked several times about putting away the mixer and its parts but it never happen unless someone is visiting. She leaves behind things on the counter every day. This is an old habit. She does not notice any of that because she is at work. Folks using the kitchen  (her Amma when she was here or now my Amma, ) end up clearing  it because they have no other choice.

Come upstairs after 20-30 mins (that’s how it look to cook) and demands to know if I applied oil to Aditi. This is May and I am supposed to know that Aditi’s skin is dry. She claims to be applying oil everyday and that I was remiss in not doing it.